It's Man Chowder, It don't come from no can, It's Man Chowder, It's made by hand...

Really? That title prompted you to read today's recipe post?

For those of you who had been reading my posts on Buffalo Sports Daily throughout the football season, I apologize. This post is a repeat. That's when you know you've made it big: your posts stream into syndication. Or that could also means you suck, and no one wants to air you on primetime anymore (Except TBS. Very funny.).

Since I've been in such a soup kick lately (stay tuned for lots of soup posts...Soup Nazi in full effect), I thought I would kick it old school (that is, the ancient month of September 2009), and rehash for you my very first Buffalo Sports Daily post--New England Clam Chowdaaah.

OK, I’ll be honest with you. This was my first time ever making New England Clam Chowder in September. Actually, this was my first time making New England Clam Chowder ever, but don’t you worry about that, kitten. The Unemployed Chef does not disappoint. You know, so when you're tailgating or showing off your dish at the big house party, no one can say your “chowdah” tastes more like “manchowdah” (although you can always retaliate with, ‘Why the F do you know what that tastes like?’ Awkward pause.)

Hey, It’s what I do—I look out for you. You’re welcome.

Apparently, traditional New England Clam Chowdaaahhh uses salt pork, not bacon. I personally like both, but since I have about 5 blocks of salt pork in my freezer, tradition served me well. You can use whatever you want. Most Italian butchers carry salt pork. If you’ve never cooked with salt pork before, it should look something like this:

Mmmmm… salt. Fat. Drool.

You can hate on the unhealthiness all you want, but watch what happens when you show up in the parking lot with tofu skewers.

If you can’t find salt pork, no need to get your chonies in a bunch. Bacon or pancetta or even ham hocks are just as delicious and fatty. They definitely have a smokier taste, but aint nothin’ wrong with that.

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New England Clam Chowdaaah

Makes one big-ass pot full of chowdah

Ingredients
-About ½ ounce butcher cut salt pork (I used half a butcher block); or 4 strips bacon
-½ Spanish or yellow onion, diced small
-2 Tbsp white flour
-3 Yukon gold potatoes, cut into small cubes
-1 cup bottled clam juice (I used Cento Clam Juice), or reserved clam juice from can (but bottled tastes less like…can.)
-2 6-ounce cans whole baby clams, drained (reserve liquid…just in case)
-1 cup half & half
-½ cup heavy cream
-Salt and pepper

Steps
-Remove rind from salt pork. Cut salt pork into small cubes. The easiest way to do this is with a pair of scissors.
-In a deep pot or dutch oven (haha), cook salt pork over medium heat until cubes are crispy. I added the rinds in there, too—totally optional. Depends how much oink oink you want in your chowder. As you can see, mine reeks of Miss Piggy.

-Remove salt pork and rinds from pot, reserving grease. Cook diced onion in the grease until soft and translucent, but not browned (about 5-10 minutes, depending on how big of a batch you’re cooking). Caramelizing the onions will change the taste of the chowder. To avoid that, I cooked the onions with the lid on for half of the time.


-Sprinkle in flour, and stir constantly for 3-5 minutes. Just like the onions, you don’t want to burn your flour.
-Add clam juice, and stir for about 2 minutes.
-Add potatoes, and bring to a boil. Once clam juice is boiling, cover and simmer until potatoes are soft. This took me FOREVER. Usually potatoes take me, like, 15 minutes. I guess there wasn’t enough liquid in the pan to soften those babies up quickly. My advice? Just keep checking them until they’re soft enough.


-Remove lid, and pour in clams. Slowly pour in half & half, followed by your heavy cream.
-Allow your chowder to heat up SLOWLY.. You do NOT want to boil anything with cream! Barf.

-Check for taste, and season with salt and pepper, if necessary. If your chowder’s too thin, add some cornstarch to thicken it up. If you prefer it more soupy (weirdo), you can use some of your reserved can clam juice to thin it out. Or water.

Best thing about revisiting old recipes? Revisiting these gorgeous 49¢ placemats that all you bitches love to hate! Enjoy.

PESTOvus for the Rest of Us

Seeing as I'm still being washed over by waves of esctasy from last night's game (Jets vs Chargers, 17-14. Holy shit.), it might seem like a strange time to deviate from my recent mass of tailgating recipes. But it's Monday. I mean, you can't eat chicken strips and beer-battered mac'n'cheese 7 days a week, right?

(This is hard for me to type, seeing as I'm eating this for breakfast. Yeah, haha. But what makes you so sure I'm kidding?)

Ok, obviously, you can eat chicken strips and beer-battered mac'n'cheese 7 days a week, so just ignore the rest of this blog. Check back in 2 days, when I promise to supply you with something greasy and fatty. Mmmmmm...

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Why are you still reading? Oh, your job sucks that much. They are making you work through MLK Day. Bastards! Clearly, your "dream" means nothing, or you'd be allowed to continue it, passed out in bed. Way to stick it to THE MAN! Keep reading!

If you're sitting on your computer, reading this on your day off, you're more of a loser than me. Just saying.

So anyway, Red Pesto. I'm sure most of you have tried (at least at some point in your life), the traditional green pesto sauce. Basil, pine nuts, and other crap. I usually make pesto and then mix it with cream cheese (Fat) before stirring it over ravioli (Fatter). But a "pesto" is anything that contains herbs and nuts (haha...nuts). For instance, I was forced to buy a giant bunch of mint leaves last Friday. I seriously needed like 3 mint leaves for this pea soup recipe (stay tuned), and all they had was this massive bunch for $2.99. WTF. You know I'd normally just rip off a few leaves and put them in my pocket, or mix them in with another green product in my cart (arugula, perhaps). But this Western Beef worker kept following me and trying to make conversation. Ugh. And he was really nice. He seriously followed me around the entire store. Which isn't saying much, because the store is in Manhattan, which means it's about 3 feet long (you wish!).

To make a long story short (or at least shorter), I bought the damned mint leaves, and raged all 10 blocks and 3 avenues back to my apartment. I decided to attempt a "Mint Pesto," because if I let the mint leaves rot, and spent $2.99 for just 3 leaves, I might kill myself. I would deserve it.

So basically, in a food processor, I puréed the entire batch of mint leaves with almonds, garlic, olive oil, salt and pepper. Not bad. And I poured the pesto into an (empty) ice cube tray, to freeze (in perfect portions) until later use.

Um, this post has nothing to do with Mint Pesto. But basically, I just wanted to share this story so you could be affirmed that I am awesome.

What this post does have to do with is Red Pesto. Here's a little idea I stole from Women's Health magazine (January 2008).

These photos were obviously taken before receiving the best Christmas gift ever--an 11 cup Cuisinart. (Thank you, Aunt Lorraine!) So bear with me while I take it back to the Stone Age with this historic blender.

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Red Pesto

Makes about 1 large Chinese-takeout soup container full of pesto

Ingredients
-4 to 6 Plum tomatoes
-Fresh bunch of basil (about 10 leaves)
-A handful of unsalted almonds
-2 to 3 garlic cloves, minced
-Red pepper flakes
-Olive oil
-Salt & pepper
-Grated cheese (Parmigiano-Reggiano or Pecorino Romano)

Steps
-Preheat oven to 350°. Spread almonds out on a baking sheet, and roast for 20 minutes, stirring occasionally to make sure they are browned on all sides.
-Cut tomatoes into quarters. Place in a food processor or blender. Add basil leaves, almonds, garlic, and red pepper flakes, and purée.

You'll notice how red this looks. That's because my almonds were still in the oven, so I hadn't yet added them to the blender. If your purée looks more like baby diarreah at this point, don't worry. You're on the right track.

-Keep the food processor/blender running, and slowly add about 1/4 cup olive oil to your purée.

-Taste, and season with salt and pepper, if needed. This is a no-cook sauce, so you can use this pesto on pasta/chicken/vegetables immediately, or you can store and refrigerate it, like this:

The pesto will only stay fresh for a few days in the refridgerator, so if you plan to store it for longer than that, I'd suggest freezing it. Like you read skipped over above, freezing pesto into ice cube trays works great.

-Before serving, mix with grated cheese. Here's a little Red Pesto over Penne, served to Shar-dé and Amanda when they came to check out the new crib. Since I made the pesto earlier that day, all I had to do was boil water. Less time in the kitchen = More time reminiscing about/mocking the losers who went to our high school.

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And since I had about half a container left over, I became really creative over the next week (I don't waste. Not because I feel bad about wasting food, but because I'm poor, and I insist on using every last scrap of leftovers).

My lunch: Mini-Pita Pesto Pizza

(The BF said my Red Pesto reminded him of pizza sauce. Done.)

Makes 1 Mini-Pita Pesto Pizza

Ingredients
-1 pita
-Red Pesto
-A handfull of spinach leaves (or arugula, or romaine, or whatever you have on hand)
-Thinly sliced or shredded cheese (I used swiss. It totally doesn't go with pizza, but that's what I had. It still tasted like heaven. I'd suggest mozzarella, though.)

Steps
-Preheat oven to 400°. Place pita on a baking sheet, and cover with a thin layer of Red Pesto. Bake for 2-3 minutes, until pita and pesto are warm.


-Top pita with a handful of spinach leaves, and several slices of cheese.


-Pop back in the oven for 5 minutes, or until pita is crisp, and cheese is melted and bubbly.

:::Bows:::

Cereal, chicken, & several inappropriate references to "starfishes"...

Here is another overdue post that I have to revise, seeing that 2 months later, half of my rambling no longer applies. More work for me, I guess. And you know how I feel about work...

Anyway, the Jets miraculously made it into the playoffs. (I do mean miraculously, because by some miracle, they beat the Colts. And by miracle, I mean the Colts pulled their entire starting lineup.) For Sunday's game against the Chargers, I’ve got a quick and easy (I’ll refrain from the mom jokes this week) TAILGATE-worthy recipe for you: Corn Flake Battered Chicken Strips. Really, you don’t need chef skills, time, or money to make this (but it’s sooo good). Before I present you with the recipe, here’s a little background story that you’ll probably skip over.

If any of you have been to Manhattan, you’ll find that nothing in this city comes cheap (except for the free Staten Island ferry, but that leaves you in Staten Island, so I guess that’s the price you have to pay). As a full-time Unemployment Collector, braving the everyday New York prices are quite the struggle. Especially when it comes to grocery shopping. Especially when we are one of the few cities who don’t have Super Walmart (or any Walmart, for that matter).

Perhaps if I’ve never shopped outside of Manhattan, I wouldn’t know any better. But that is not the case. And if you think I’m going to spend $7.99 on a SMALL box of Frosted Flakes, you can kiss my starfish.

So naturally, I jumped for joy when I found a HUGE box of generic Shoprite Corn Flakes for $2.99 at my local Gristedes. Seriously, the box was bigger than my torso. Then I thought–perfect, my next tailgating meal! No, not a bowl of Corn Flakes, although that could work.

I then ventured into the meat aisle. $10.99 for chicken breasts covered in fat and veins, with an uncanny resemblance to Jocelyn Wildenstein’s skin? No, I refuse.

I actually broke down and checked out the Whole Foods in my area. I usually avoid places like this, because I’m a cheap bitch, but everything in Manhattan is so damn expensive anyway. Wow, compared to a shithole like Gristedes, this place was beautiful. Seriously, I almost made a mess in my pants in the produce aisle. That’s how much I loved this place. But let’s save that for another post…

Anyway, I found SEXY chicken breasts for $7.99. I’m not sure why I’m telling you all of this, because I’m sure you could give two shits. But my chicken strips came out sooo good, and I’m not sure if it was from my amazingness, or the sexiness of the Whole Foods chicken. I guess you can try the recipe for yourselves, and let me know.

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Corn Flake Battered Chicken Strips

Makes 4 servings

Ingredients
-4 boneless & skinless chicken breasts, sliced into small strips
-2-3 cups white flour (or enough to fill a Ziplock bag)
-1-2 cups butter, melted
-3-4 cups Corn Flakes, crushed (Easy way to do this without scraping up your knuckles: Place inside a Ziplock bag, seal, and smash.)

Steps
-Preheat oven to 400° F. Pour melted butter into a small bowl, and place flour and crushed Corn Flakes into two separate Ziplock bags. You can also use those shallow, rectangular Chinese takeout containers, with the raised sides.



-Coat chicken strips with flour, butter, and crushed Corn Flakes, in that order. Arrange on a foil-lined baking sheet.


-Tent foil around the sides of the baking sheet so that it locks in juices, but does not cover the chicken completely. Bake for 15-20 minutes, or until chicken is cooked through.


I think this ties in nicely to my “starfish” reference above, don’t you agree?

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BUFFALO SPORTS DAILY features The Unemployed Chef as the official BSD Tailgate Blogger!!!

Click here to read the original "Corn Flake Battered Chicken Strips" post.

Mac, Cheese, & Beer: A Harmonious Threesome

New Year’s Resolution #1: Blog more.

Seriously, why have I been such a d-bag? Last post--December 10, 2009? W.T.F.

No excuses. I won’t even try. But here’s a little recap info, since you missed me so much. (Seriously, how did you even get through the holiday season without me? It must have been really lame. You are so STRONG! SO BRAVE!)

As you might have already read about 3 weeks ago in my Buffalo Sports Daily post, the Unemployed Chef had found yet another way to live off the system. Focus Groups. (For those of you who live outside a major city and never had the pleasure to attend a focus group/have no idea what I'm talking about, check this out. But, put simply, focus groups are when marketing companies pay you lots of money to rape you of your ideas for an hour.)

So now I’m taking advantage of marketing agencies, along with the government. Anyway, a few weeks back I was sitting in an hour-long focus group (for $125) in which the topic was Science, so I had been feeling a little experimental.

Case in point: I’ve made mac’n'cheese with wine before. I’d like to believe it adds a touch of class.

If I add this classy Coors Light to an otherwise ordinary batch of mac’n'cheese, what will I end up with?

The results of my scientific testing? An explosion in my mouth. (Ugh, too easy. You know what I want to say here, but I’m not worthy. Not yet. Need more blog posts).

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Mac’n'Cheese’n'Beer

Fills a 9x12 baking dish...you figure out how many servings that is. For normal people.

Ingredients
-3 tbsp butter (about a half stick)
-3 tbsp white flour
-1 1/2 cups heavy cream
-1 1/2 cups beer (I used Coors Light.. obviously, the darker the beer, the more ‘beer-y’ your mac will be)
-2 cups cheddar cheese, shredded
-2 cups mozzerella cheese, shredded
-1 cup *other* (I used a mixture of parmigiano-reggiano, pecorino romano, and provolone. Use what you want, but you want at least one strong cheese in there. You know…feet-scented cheese.)

-1lb tube-shaped pasta, like Ziti (I prefer Ziti to Penne because it doesn’t have ridges. Perfect for baking.)

Steps
-In a large pot or dutch oven (ha), cook pasta according to package directions. Drain, return to pot, and set aside.
-Meanwhile, in a frying pan or skillet, melt butter over medium-low heat. Add flour, stirring constantly, and cook for a minute or two. If the flour burns, start over–unless you don’t mind your mac’ tasting like burnt ass.
-Add heavy cream slowly, stirring constantly. Whisk away any lumps. Cook until mixture begins to *just* boil.
-Pour in beer, and cook until mixture boils. Cover pan and continue cooking for 10 minutes.

-Stir well, and turn heat down to low. Mix in cheese, and stir mixture until cheese is melted and heated through.


-Preheat the oven to 375°. Combine pasta with cheese mixture, and transfer to a greased baked dish.



Bake for 30-40 minutes. Let sit for at least 15 minutes–the beer will cook out and form a nice batter on top.

Note: Unlike regular mac'n'cheese, or baked ziti, this does NOT taste better the next day. The beer and cheese separates. If you decide to make this, come starving or don't come at all (what does that even mean?).

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BUFFALO SPORTS DAILY features The Unemployed Chef as the official BSD Tailgate Blogger!!!

Click here to read the original "Mac'n'Cheese'n'Beer" post.