Does this blog post anger you? Please, let's just SQUASH the drama...

I just returned from a weekend up in the Poconos (like way up there: Lake Ariel-area, to be exact). I've been spoiled on three whole days of Rusty's cooking. Here's a little sneak peek of what my weekend entailed:

And for some reason, Rusty's a fan of my blog--crazy, right? I mean, have you seen the shit I put on here?
PS: And yes, I enlightened Rusty on the definition of the Rusty Trombone. Good times.

Anyway, now that I've got your attention (and hunger), I can proceed with being a total dick.

The above photos have absolutely NOTHING to do with this blog post or it's featured recipe.

Why in fact...


...it's another SQUASH post!!!

Recognize the sexy acorn above? Well you should, because it's the same survivor from the "Stop, Drop & Roll..Squash" video featured in last week's post. And yes, the dent on the bottom is from colliding with my camera lens.

Well, anyway, Sexy Acorn was sitting up in the ICU (AKA a ceramic bowl on my pathetic wooden square of counter space) for about a week, resting up for his big day (and so I could once again taunt your starving souls with yet another squash post).

He even made a friend while in recovery:

(Taken with my phone camera, so excuse the photo quality)

Awwwww. How precious...

...until I baked his ass.

Roll THIS, Bitches!

---

Baked Acorn Squash with Honey and Brown Sugar*
*Again, borrowed from my squash BIBLE, whatscookingamerica.net/squash.htm

Makes 2 servings

Ingredients

-1 acorn squash, halved

-2 tbsp butter

-2 tbsp honey

-2 tsp dark brown sugar

-Salt & pepper, to taste

Steps

-Cut squash in half lengthwise, and remove seeds and pulp. Reserve seeds if you're a conservationist (or poor) and would like a toasted snack.

-Place squash halves, cut sides up, in a glass baking dish. Add about 1/4 inch of water to the dish, and scrape the squash's insides with a fork (don't worry, he's a masochist).

-Fill squash halves with equal portions butter, honey, and brown sugar. Sprinkle with a dash of salt and pepper.

-Bake at 375° for at least 1 hour. After an hour, check with a fork to see if your squash is done. It should slide easily into the flesh (again, no worries--he likes it). If it's, er, "resisting," throw that baby back into the oven for another 15, 20 minutes. I reached succulent, baked perfection after 1 hour and 20 minutes.

-Remove squash from oven, plate, and serve.

Pardon the fork indent. I was checking Sexy Acorn's doneness and got a little carried away.

---

If you are still upset over my above teaser photos (GTFOverIt), here's some good news. I actually cooked the meal in the last photo, with the orzo, tomato salad, and chicken cutlet. Check out the Mediterranean-style Orzo recipe here.

Squash: The Sequel

This title should immediately conjure up some memories. But just in case you don't stalk my life (shoutout to Pauly D) and remember my every last post, here is a refresher course:



Vintage squash post circa July 2009:
Butternut Squash Risotto / My precious "Kabocha" getting (almost) run over by a Nissan Murano

And this one, for good measure:
Butternut Squash & Red Potato Soup + A peek at my sexy 49¢ placemats



Yes, September brings the birth of both football season and Oktoberfest (and yes, it begins in September, not October...silly Germans). But fall is also the season of SQUASH! This excites me to an extremely inappropriate degree (probably because I've been consistently drunk throughout the entire season).

Nothing brings me more pleasure than a man returning home from a long day of work and a grueling gym workout, expecting a hearty meal of steak and roasted potatoes, only to find this:


REAL MEN EAT ACORN SQUASH.

Or throw bitchfits, as my loving boyfriend did in the video below:




Delicata squash* doesn't roll as well (more of a phallic shape...double revenge), so it beat out the acorn squash for dinner that evening.

*Recipe stolen from http://whatscookingamerica.net/squash.htm. Perfect beginner's site, for those who want to become obsessed with squash.

---

Delicata Squash with Chili-Lime Butter

Makes 2 Servings

Ingredients
-2 delicata squashes (see photo below)
-1/2 stick of butter, softened
-1 lime, juiced
-A dash or 2 of chili powder
-Salt & pepper, to taste

Steps
-Half delicata squash and remove seeds/fibers.


-Place face-down in a glass baking dish. Add about 1/4 inch of water to the dish.


-Bake at 350° for 30 minutes.
-Meanwhile, combine butter, lime juice, chili powder, and salt & pepper in a small bowl. Set aside.
-Remove squash from oven, and fill it's insides with the chili-lime butter (sounds kinky...and also sounds like a clogged artery. Yum!).

Delicata squash is a summer squash, like zucchini. So you can eat the skin.

REAL MEN EAT DELICATA.


PS: And because I'm a broke bitch, I waste nothing. You can reserve the seeds (wash off the fibers) and toast them as you would pumpkin seeds.

Once again, because I'm too drunk/lazy, check out this page (scroll down to the bottom) for seed ideas: http://whatscookingamerica.net/squash.htm

Whole Foods Hummus....Sexy, Single & FREE!

Ehhh... I don't know if this qualifies as a post. Perhaps this is more of a "Hey-guess-what-I-did-today" ramble that I really want to share, but no one cares. So you'll be the ones to suffer.

Due to the gap in my regular blogging, I can't quite remember if I've divulged my love/hate relationship with Whole Foods to my loyal readers. If I have, here is some repetition.

OK, Whole Foods: For the most part, it's incredibly overpriced, and I could give a shit if my food is organic. However, everything in Manhattan is overpriced...and the food in Whole Foods is usually pretty good ("Usually"="except for that time I ate almost an entire case of arugula before I noticed 3 dead ladybugs at the bottom." Yeah, I guess it's better than roaches--the usual NYC fare. But I would prefer the pesticides to the bugs.)

That being said, certain things actually are cheaper at Whole Foods than in the typical Manhattan chains. For instance, take Gristedes. You know what, Gristedes just overall sucks and the food is usually expired. Don't give them your business. Ken (the BF) shops here because he's lazy, and it's right downstairs, which pisses me off. Giving in to the MAN! Exactly what "he" wants. Ken also shops here because the evening-shift checkout lady calls him "baby" and says he looks like a red-headed "Dexter." (He doesn't.)

Earlier today, I found a Whole Foods coupon for a free container of hummus with any $25.00 purchase (and let's be real, with NYC prices, that's a box of cereal). So you know my cheap ass strutted on over simply because, well...it's FREE.


I bet it tastes delicious. Everything free does. Maybe that's why hookers are never as enjoyable (or so I hear).

Anyway, I found these OLD photos of some hummus I made awhile back, and figured today's episode would be a good reason to give them some face time. It's actually "bootleg" hummus, since I had no tahini paste (nor any desire to buy some), and I used peanut butter instead. STFU. No one could tell the difference.

---

The Unemployed Chef's Bootleg Hummus (that tastes like non-bootleg hummus, IMO)

Makes 1 small bowl of hummus. I mean, how much can you eat at once? It's beans. You'll poop your pants.

Ingredients
-1 12-oz can chick peas/garbanzo beans, drained and rinsed (reserving liquid)
-1-2 garlic cloves, minced
-1 tbsp lemon juice (fresh)
-1 tbsp peanut butter
-1 tbsp olive oil
-Dash of cumin
-Salt & pepper, to taste
-Paprika (optional)

Steps
-Place the first 7 ingredients in a blender or food processor (reserve a few chickpeas if you want to be "fancy," as in my exquisite photo below).
-Puree until smooth. If mixture is too thick, add reserved chickpea liquid as needed.
-"Garnish" (fancy-pants) with paprika and reserved chickpeas, if ya want.

---

Here's a little extra You Don't Miss With The Zohan/Hummus goodness. Enjoy.

It's Man Chowder, It don't come from no can, It's Man Chowder, It's made by hand...

Really? That title prompted you to read today's recipe post?

For those of you who had been reading my posts on Buffalo Sports Daily throughout the football season, I apologize. This post is a repeat. That's when you know you've made it big: your posts stream into syndication. Or that could also means you suck, and no one wants to air you on primetime anymore (Except TBS. Very funny.).

Since I've been in such a soup kick lately (stay tuned for lots of soup posts...Soup Nazi in full effect), I thought I would kick it old school (that is, the ancient month of September 2009), and rehash for you my very first Buffalo Sports Daily post--New England Clam Chowdaaah.

OK, I’ll be honest with you. This was my first time ever making New England Clam Chowder in September. Actually, this was my first time making New England Clam Chowder ever, but don’t you worry about that, kitten. The Unemployed Chef does not disappoint. You know, so when you're tailgating or showing off your dish at the big house party, no one can say your “chowdah” tastes more like “manchowdah” (although you can always retaliate with, ‘Why the F do you know what that tastes like?’ Awkward pause.)

Hey, It’s what I do—I look out for you. You’re welcome.

Apparently, traditional New England Clam Chowdaaahhh uses salt pork, not bacon. I personally like both, but since I have about 5 blocks of salt pork in my freezer, tradition served me well. You can use whatever you want. Most Italian butchers carry salt pork. If you’ve never cooked with salt pork before, it should look something like this:

Mmmmm… salt. Fat. Drool.

You can hate on the unhealthiness all you want, but watch what happens when you show up in the parking lot with tofu skewers.

If you can’t find salt pork, no need to get your chonies in a bunch. Bacon or pancetta or even ham hocks are just as delicious and fatty. They definitely have a smokier taste, but aint nothin’ wrong with that.

---

New England Clam Chowdaaah

Makes one big-ass pot full of chowdah

Ingredients
-About ½ ounce butcher cut salt pork (I used half a butcher block); or 4 strips bacon
-½ Spanish or yellow onion, diced small
-2 Tbsp white flour
-3 Yukon gold potatoes, cut into small cubes
-1 cup bottled clam juice (I used Cento Clam Juice), or reserved clam juice from can (but bottled tastes less like…can.)
-2 6-ounce cans whole baby clams, drained (reserve liquid…just in case)
-1 cup half & half
-½ cup heavy cream
-Salt and pepper

Steps
-Remove rind from salt pork. Cut salt pork into small cubes. The easiest way to do this is with a pair of scissors.
-In a deep pot or dutch oven (haha), cook salt pork over medium heat until cubes are crispy. I added the rinds in there, too—totally optional. Depends how much oink oink you want in your chowder. As you can see, mine reeks of Miss Piggy.

-Remove salt pork and rinds from pot, reserving grease. Cook diced onion in the grease until soft and translucent, but not browned (about 5-10 minutes, depending on how big of a batch you’re cooking). Caramelizing the onions will change the taste of the chowder. To avoid that, I cooked the onions with the lid on for half of the time.


-Sprinkle in flour, and stir constantly for 3-5 minutes. Just like the onions, you don’t want to burn your flour.
-Add clam juice, and stir for about 2 minutes.
-Add potatoes, and bring to a boil. Once clam juice is boiling, cover and simmer until potatoes are soft. This took me FOREVER. Usually potatoes take me, like, 15 minutes. I guess there wasn’t enough liquid in the pan to soften those babies up quickly. My advice? Just keep checking them until they’re soft enough.


-Remove lid, and pour in clams. Slowly pour in half & half, followed by your heavy cream.
-Allow your chowder to heat up SLOWLY.. You do NOT want to boil anything with cream! Barf.

-Check for taste, and season with salt and pepper, if necessary. If your chowder’s too thin, add some cornstarch to thicken it up. If you prefer it more soupy (weirdo), you can use some of your reserved can clam juice to thin it out. Or water.

Best thing about revisiting old recipes? Revisiting these gorgeous 49¢ placemats that all you bitches love to hate! Enjoy.

Cereal, chicken, & several inappropriate references to "starfishes"...

Here is another overdue post that I have to revise, seeing that 2 months later, half of my rambling no longer applies. More work for me, I guess. And you know how I feel about work...

Anyway, the Jets miraculously made it into the playoffs. (I do mean miraculously, because by some miracle, they beat the Colts. And by miracle, I mean the Colts pulled their entire starting lineup.) For Sunday's game against the Chargers, I’ve got a quick and easy (I’ll refrain from the mom jokes this week) TAILGATE-worthy recipe for you: Corn Flake Battered Chicken Strips. Really, you don’t need chef skills, time, or money to make this (but it’s sooo good). Before I present you with the recipe, here’s a little background story that you’ll probably skip over.

If any of you have been to Manhattan, you’ll find that nothing in this city comes cheap (except for the free Staten Island ferry, but that leaves you in Staten Island, so I guess that’s the price you have to pay). As a full-time Unemployment Collector, braving the everyday New York prices are quite the struggle. Especially when it comes to grocery shopping. Especially when we are one of the few cities who don’t have Super Walmart (or any Walmart, for that matter).

Perhaps if I’ve never shopped outside of Manhattan, I wouldn’t know any better. But that is not the case. And if you think I’m going to spend $7.99 on a SMALL box of Frosted Flakes, you can kiss my starfish.

So naturally, I jumped for joy when I found a HUGE box of generic Shoprite Corn Flakes for $2.99 at my local Gristedes. Seriously, the box was bigger than my torso. Then I thought–perfect, my next tailgating meal! No, not a bowl of Corn Flakes, although that could work.

I then ventured into the meat aisle. $10.99 for chicken breasts covered in fat and veins, with an uncanny resemblance to Jocelyn Wildenstein’s skin? No, I refuse.

I actually broke down and checked out the Whole Foods in my area. I usually avoid places like this, because I’m a cheap bitch, but everything in Manhattan is so damn expensive anyway. Wow, compared to a shithole like Gristedes, this place was beautiful. Seriously, I almost made a mess in my pants in the produce aisle. That’s how much I loved this place. But let’s save that for another post…

Anyway, I found SEXY chicken breasts for $7.99. I’m not sure why I’m telling you all of this, because I’m sure you could give two shits. But my chicken strips came out sooo good, and I’m not sure if it was from my amazingness, or the sexiness of the Whole Foods chicken. I guess you can try the recipe for yourselves, and let me know.

---

Corn Flake Battered Chicken Strips

Makes 4 servings

Ingredients
-4 boneless & skinless chicken breasts, sliced into small strips
-2-3 cups white flour (or enough to fill a Ziplock bag)
-1-2 cups butter, melted
-3-4 cups Corn Flakes, crushed (Easy way to do this without scraping up your knuckles: Place inside a Ziplock bag, seal, and smash.)

Steps
-Preheat oven to 400° F. Pour melted butter into a small bowl, and place flour and crushed Corn Flakes into two separate Ziplock bags. You can also use those shallow, rectangular Chinese takeout containers, with the raised sides.



-Coat chicken strips with flour, butter, and crushed Corn Flakes, in that order. Arrange on a foil-lined baking sheet.


-Tent foil around the sides of the baking sheet so that it locks in juices, but does not cover the chicken completely. Bake for 15-20 minutes, or until chicken is cooked through.


I think this ties in nicely to my “starfish” reference above, don’t you agree?

---

BUFFALO SPORTS DAILY features The Unemployed Chef as the official BSD Tailgate Blogger!!!

Click here to read the original "Corn Flake Battered Chicken Strips" post.

Chicken Noodle Soup...with a, um, Hot Toddy on the Side

They say that chicken soup is good for the soul. I’m sure that’s a load of crap, but as a Jets fan writing for the Buffalo Bills, my soul needed healing after we got our asses handed to us in Week 6. I guess my Homemade Chicken Noodle Soup really does work magic, since I guzzled it down last Thursday during the game (J-E-T-S JETS JETS JETS!).

If your soul doesn't need healing (or you just don't have a soul), think of my soup as your winter survival meal, with way less side effects than the H1N1 shot. I mean, I think it's finally winter (although yesterday's 55 degree afternoon kind of confused me...gotta love global warming). Either way, freezing your ‘nads off in front of a grill is unnecessary. I mean, the grill can only warm them up so much, right?

So this Sunday, I'm advising you all to down a ‘liquid’ dinner while watching the big game. Much to your disappointment, this liquid dinner is not pertaining to alcohol. That’s right. My Homemade Chicken Noodle Soup is that good. You’ll feel intoxicated by its deliciousness.

(I won't be downing a liquid dinner this Sunday, because I'll be in Tampa watching the Jets brutally murder the Buccs. And if Tampa Bay's second win is in fact against the Jets, I will dive into a pot of scalding chicken soup and burn my skin off. And bring Sanchez with me. So I guess if this is my last post, you'll know why.)

Who am I kidding? We all know I’m an alcoholic. And we all know what I mean when I refer to a ‘liquid’ meal. I’ll be including my own personal Hot Toddy recipe at the bottom of this post, which is also guaranteed to make you feel all warm and fuzzy inside (because it’s loaded with rum). Drink up, bitches!

---

Homemade Chicken Noodle Soup

Makes 1 big-ass pot of soup

**I cooked my soup in a slow cooker for the entire day. If you don’t have one, just cook your soup in a large pot or DUTCH OVEN (haha) over low heat for about 3-4 hours.

Ingredients
-5 boneless, skinless chicken thighs
-5 stalks celery
-3 carrots
-1 garlic clove
-1 large yellow onion
-Garlic powder
-2 large chicken bouillion cubes (I used Knorr)
-Paprika
-Grated cheese, like Parmigiano-Reggiano (Optional)
-Salt & Pepper
-Egg noodles

Steps
-Peel and smash garlic clove. Rub the bottom and sides of your pot with the smashed clove (this will make your hands stink for about a week). You can either discard the clove or leave it in the bottom of the pot for added flavor. You know me, I don’t waste. I leave that bad boy in there for the whole 8 hours.
-Chop onions, celery stalks, and carrots, and place them in the bottom of your pot.


-Wash chicken thighs and cut off excess fat. (Judging from my photo, you can see I didn’t follow that rule very well. Gross, maybe. But fat tastes good. So whatever.) Place on top of vegetables.
-Cover everything with about 6 cups cold water. Add a dash or 2 of garlic powder, salt, and pepper, and a *heavy* dash of paprika. Paprika works magic in chicken soup, and gives it a nice color. Don’t worry about adjusting the seasonings right now–you can always do that at the end, when your chicken isn’t raw (nothing like a big ol’ spoonful of salmonella!). Drop in your bouillion cubes, cover your pan, and turn on your slow cooker (or, if using your stove top, turn the heat up to medium-low, and then down to a simmer once boiling).


-You’ll know your soup is ready when the chicken is not only cooked, but instantly shreds when barely touched with a fork. Break up the chicken and stir your soup, and adjust seasoning if necessary. I add a ton of paprika. Clear broth is ugly.
-Don’t worry if your broth looks “blotchy.” That’s the juices from the chicken combined with the all of the seasonings. Just stir it up before serving.
-Drop in egg noodles, or small pasta, such as Ditalini, and simmer in the soup until soft. Ladle into bowls, and top with grated cheese, if desired.

---

Hot Toddy

Makes 1 drink

Ingredients
-Apple cider
-2 Cinnamon sticks
-Ground cinnamon
-Nutmeg
-Cloves (Optional)
-Dark spiced rum, like Captain Morgan (Sailor Jerry is the best rum ever)
As you already know, I hate measurements (especially for drinks…since I’m usually already drunk when I’m making them). So bear with me.

Steps
-Heat apple cider in a small pot over medium-low heat. I use a HUGE mug, so I heat a lot of apple cider. Fill up 3/4 of your mug with apple cider, and then pour into your pot.
-Drop a cinnamon stick into the pot, and add a dash of ground cinnamon, a pinch of nutmeg, and about 3 whole cloves. Stir and turn down to a simmer once the cider gets hot. Do not boil.
-Add *a lot* of rum. How much is a lot? As much as you can handle! YOU CAN DO IT!
-Simmer for about 2 minutes. Do NOT cook out the alcohol. That wastes alcohol, and that breaks my heart.
-Pour back into your mug, add a cinnamon stick, and FEEL THE BURN!


No picture…because I finished my drink before finishing this post. Jealous?

---

BUFFALO SPORTS DAILY features The Unemployed Chef as the official BSD Tailgate Blogger!!!

Click here to read the original "Chicken Noodle Soup" post.

My Big Fat Italian Thanksgiving...

Being a holiday week and all, I thought I'd switch things up a bit. As the official Tailgate Blogger for Buffalo Sports Daily, I've been supplying you loyal readers tailgate recipes ever since the start of football season. However, any tailgating food I whip up this Sunday will most likely be some concoction of Thanksgiving leftovers and scraps. So it's only right to show you guys the origins of those leftovers and scraps, right?

Here's a little peek at Thanksgiving, done the fat I-talian way. To me, it's one of those days where I always make sure I have a festive pair of stretch pants on hand. Although this year, I'm not sure stretch pants did the trick. I needed a stretch stomach.

He knows what I'm talking about.

---

Now, some of these photos are just teases. I'm not writing out 20 recipes. One, I don't feel like it. And two...well, some of them I don't know offhand.

I'm lucky I got any photos at all...people kept reaching for food as I was trying to get my 'Photographer' on. Rude.

Because I'm exhausted (turkey hangover), I kept the recipes short and simple. I know they're usually a bit more detailed, but let's be honest--50% of those details are dirty jokes and sexual innuendos that have nothing to do with anything.

---

Before we down the traditional Thanksgiving spread, we pregame. With this:

---

Before dinner, I served up some Butternut Squash & Potato Soup. It was done in about 5 seconds. R. I. P., you sexy squash. I regret not being able to photograph you before your depletion.
But we can always relive your glory days via this post from 8/3/09:

http://theunemployedchef.blogspot.com/2009/08/butternut-squash-soup.html

Oh yea, the above link also contains the soup's recipe. Check it out.
(I used Baby Dutch Yellow Potatoes instead of the Baby Reds, and doubled the recipe.)

---

From left: Stuffing with Sausage, Bacon, and Mushrooms; Stuffing with Apple, Cranberry, and Walnuts; Candied Yams with Marshmallows
I had to stick with the past 2 weeks' sausage-fest theme (If you're a new reader or have no idea what I'm referring to, click here and here.

Stuffing with Sausage, Bacon, and Mushrooms

-16-ounce bag seasoned cornbread stuffing of your choice, moisted with chicken stock instead of water (To avoid overpowering the remaining ingredients, use less stuffing. 10-12 ounces should be enough.)
-Onions and celery, sautéed in butter and olive oil
-16-ounce Italian sausage, crumbled and browned in olive oil
-Bacon, fried and crumbled (as much as desired)
-1 box mushrooms, sliced and sautéed briefly

-Combine all above ingredients, and place in a sprayed baking pan. Top with pats of butter.
-Loosely cover with tin foil, and bake in oven for 30 minutes. Uncover the pan for the last 5 minutes.

---

Believe it or not, there are actually people at our dinner table who don't eat red meat. I know, right?

Stuffing with Apple, Cranberry, and Walnuts

Use the same base recipe for the stuffing as above:
-16-ounce bag seasoned cornbread stuffing of your choice, moisted with chicken stock instead of water (To avoid overpowering the remaining ingredients, use less stuffing. 10-12 ounces should be enough.)
-Onions and celery, sautéed in butter and olive oil

New ingredients:
-2 Granny Smith apples, cut up
-Dried cranberries, soaked in chicken broth for about an hour
-Walnut halves
-sugar (as much as desired)
-cinnamon (as much as desired)
-Maple syrup (as much as desired)

-Combine all above ingredients, and place in a sprayed baking pan. Top with pats of butter.
-Loosely cover with tin foil, and bake in oven for 30 minutes. Uncover the pan for the last 5 minutes.

---

From left: Butternut Squash and Cranberry Salad; Baked Artichoke Hearts with Breadcrumbs

Butternut Squash and Cranberry Salad

-Butternut squash, peeled and cut into cubes
-Maple syrup
-Dried cranberries
-1 cup apple cider
-2 tbsp apple cider vinegar
-2 tsp dijon mustard
-2 Shallots, diced
-Olive oil

-Combine butternut squash with olive oil and maple syrup, and toss to coat. Spread out on a baking pan, and bake at 450 degrees for 20-25 minutes.
-Add dried cranberries to the cubed squash, and bake for another 5-10 minutes, or until squash is tender and cranberries plump up.
-In a saucepan, combine apple cider, apple cider vinegar, and mustard. Cook until mixture reduces, add shallots and cook until heated through (not browned). Add 1/2 cup olive oil.
-Pour saucepan mixture over squash and cranberries. Toss to coat, and serve.

---

Baked Artichokes with Breadcrumbs

-3 cans artichoke hearts, cut into quarters (no marinade)
-Seasoned breadcrumbs
-3 8-ounce boxes fresh mushrooms, sliced
-6 cloves garlic, chopped
-1 cup grated Parmesian cheese
-Olive oil
-Salt & pepper

-Combine all ingredients in a large bowl, with enough olive oil to coat mixture (you want everything to be moist, but not mushy)
-Transfer to a greased baking pan. Bake at 350 degrees for 30 minutes, or until crispy.

---

Cranberry-Apricot Sauce

-2 bags fresh cranberries (12-ounce)
-2/3 cup orange juice (I used Orange-Peach-Mango juice)
-3 cups dried apricot halves, cut into thin strips
-1/2 cup white sugar
-1/2 cup brown sugar
-Orange zest
-Dash of salt


-Combine all of the above ingredients in a saucepan. Cook over medium high heat, stirring constantly. Keep cooking until the cranberries burst and thicken into a jellied consistancy. Cool before serving.

---

Oh, and of course, dessert.

---

BUFFALO SPORTS DAILY features The Unemployed Chef as the official BSD Tailgate Blogger!!!

Re: Putting sausage inside your taco

I still have a slight turkey hangover from Thanksgiving. I'll be adding a post on that shortly, but just keep that in mind while you read through this half-assed post.

My plans for this beautiful Sunday? Watching the Jets take on the Panthers (which, unlike last week's game, shouldn't be a complete embarassment), drinking (obviously), and putting up my ridiculously ghetto Christmas tree (while drinking, obviously). Also, I'll be listening to this on repeat.

Anyway, back to the game. I’m sure wherever you’re watching the game is a total sausage-fest. To acknowledge that, this will be my second week in a row of a sausage post. I guess you can say the Unemployed Chef eats a lot of sausage. That’s what she said. Or I said.

We can say this is a much belated Oktoberfest tribute, except this recipe is supposed to be Mexican. But it’s not German sausage. Or even Mexican. So I don’t know what it is. But it tastes good, and it’s easy (just like your mom).

---

Sausage Tacos

Makes 4 tacos

Ingredients

-4 Taco Shells, or soft wraps (I used Old El Paso Stand ‘n Stuff), you know, the ones that are flat on the bottom. Because I wanted them to stand up. So I could take a lovely picture for you. Instead, when I opened the box, 8 out of the 10 shells were broken, and my taco fell apart immediately after its assembly. I’m not sure if they were stale, or if Old El Paso just all-around SUCKS. But be forewarned.)
-Shredded cheese (I used a mix of Cheddar, Monterey Jack, Asadero, and Queso Blanco)
-Shredded romaine or iceberg lettuce
-4 hot sausage links (I used Al Fresco Spicy Jalapeño Chicken Sausage…So good!)
-1 15.5 oz can black beans
-1 small yellow onion, diced
-3 cloves garlic, minced
-Olive oil
-Salt & Pepper
-White rice
-Taco sauce, such as Ortega Thick & Smooth Taco Sauce. Or, instead of being a lazy bitch, you could make your own (See recipe below).
-Sour cream (Optional)
-Guacamole (Optional)

These are base ingredients. Use what you want. Prefer shredded chicken or ground beef over sausage? Go right ahead. Hate shredded lettuce? Leave it off, or add another green, like sauteed spinach. Like tomatoes or red peppers? Go for it. Sick of me asking/answering my own questions?

Yes, yes you are.

You can prepare the beans beforehand, and use any leftovers as a side dish with the rice.

This is apparently Taco Bell’s taco sauce recipe, or a clone of it. You know, because nothing screams “authentic Mexican” like Taco Bell.

Steps

-Rinse and drain beans. In a frying pan or skillet, heat oil (enough to coat the pan) over medium-high heat. Add onions to pan, and cook until soft and translucent. Add garlic to pan with onions, stirring until garlic is just starting to brown and your onions are starting to caramelize.

-Add beans to your onion and garlic mixture, and cook until beans are heated through and tender. Remove from heat and set aside.
-Prepare rice according to package instructions. (I mean, really, you need my assistance to cook rice?). Cover and set aside.
-Add a drop or 2 (about a tbsp, for you measurement freaks) of oil to a frying pan or skillet, and set to medium-high heat. Better yet, remove the beans/onion/garlic mixture from your pan, and use your already-deliciously-seasoned grease.
-Add sausage links, and cook for about 10-15 minutes, or until casing is browned on all sides.

-Remove sausage from pan, and cut into small dice.

Just a few of the toppings

-Assemble your taco as follows: Shell, rice, beans, sausage, lettuce, cheese, taco sauce, additional toppings. Or do whatever the hell you want. It’s a taco, not rocket science.

The bean-spillage was intentional. I think it gives the plate an artistic flair.

Like I said above, the taco didn’t hold up so well. That’s when I resorted to making a taco salad by breaking up the (already broken) shell. Ta-da!

---

BUFFALO SPORTS DAILY features The Unemployed Chef as the official BSD Tailgate Blogger!!!

Click here to read the original "Sausage Tacos" post.