Another meaningless post of my sarcastic & bitchy ramblings...with a few recipes thrown in

I believe two posts ago I told you "I'll be gracing you this week with a bunch of recipes." And then I gave you, what, one recipe? 8 days ago? COLD.

I feel like lying on the couch (pantless, of course) and watching Top Chef Masters' repeats right now, but I feel guilted into leaving you at least *one* recipe before I go away AGAIN for the weekend. Precious? You know the Unemployed Chef got mad love for ya.

To be honest, I really did plan on gracing you bitches with a bunch of recipes, but I made a lot of repeated dishes. Or dishes so simple, I didn't think they required a recipe. (Or maybe they do... Because if you're trusting me with your dinner plans, you probably can't cook for shit.) I basically used everything I had in my house, mixed with pasta or rice. You know, gotta avoid Pathmark at all costs. Unemployed Chef = broke.

Here's what went directly to my thighs this week. I'm too lazy to list the recipes, but I'll tell you the ingredients and assume you can figure it out for yourself. Please don't prove me wrong with your high levels of stupidity. Work with me here.

PS: I also made a giant batch of Pasta Fagioli (Pasta Fa-zool!) for the BF, but you aren't worthy of witnessing it's sexiness. Not yet, at least. These things take time. I guess you'll just have to keep following my blog...


Penne Aglio e Olio (Garlic, oil, & red pepper flakes) + tomatoes + mushrooms


Coconut-Curry Battered Chicken over Rice
(I wasn't crazy about this, so I won't elaborate. It wasn't bad, it was just.... I guess I'm tired of chicken. OK, I'll keep it real... It sucked.)

Sautéed Flounder + Tomatoes + Mushrooms with Toasted Pinenut Couscous

Farfalle Pasta simmered in Chicken Stock + Garlic + Red Pepper Flakes + Cannellini Beans + Onions + Shredded Asiago Cheese

Spinach Salad + Strawberries + Battered Baked Chicken + Hard Boiled Egg Whites + Gorgonzola Cheese + Raspberry Walnut Vinaigrette

Awww, fine, keep whining. Now I feel guilty. And I'm no stranger to classic Italian/Catholic guilt. I'll give you one actual recipe before I leave.

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Chili-rubbed Cod with Seasoned Acini di Pepe

Makes 2 servings... with lots of Acini di Pepe leftover

Ingredients

Chili-rubbed Cod:

-2 Cod filets

-Chili powder, to taste

-A dash of paprika

-Olive oil

Seasoned Acini de Pepe:

-1 lb acini de pepe pasta (the original recipe called for Israeli Couscous... but I can't find them anywhere. Same shit. I also made this with orzo and it kicked ass.)

-Olive oil (2-3 tbsp)

-A *big squeeze* of lemon juice (3-4 tbsp)

-1 tsp sugar

-1 tsp soy sauce

-1/2 cup chopped scallions

-A *sprinkle* of chopped parsley (1 tbsp)

-Salt & pepper, to taste

Steps

-In a frying pan or skillet, heat olive oil over high heat. (A grill would be even better. Unfortunately, our BBQ got disgusting after being left out in the yard during the winter. Would you like some grilled rust perhaps?)

-Season cod filets with a generous rub of chili powder. Sprinkle on some paprika for color, and rub into the filets.

-Add the filets to the searing oil, and step back (unless you enjoy being scalded by flying hot oil...kinky). Fry for 2 minutes per side, to make a nice crust. Lower the heat to medium, and continue cooking the filets for about 5 minutes per side, or until they're cooked through.

-Meanwhile, prepare acini de pepe as described on box. Drain, and transfer to a large bowl. In a smaller bowl, combine olive oil, soy sauce, sugar, and lemon juice. Slowly pour into the acini de pepe, mixing and checking for taste. Adjust seasonings if necessary. Add scallions and parsley into the acini de pepe, and mix. Season with salt and pepper. Almost too easy.

Word.

WTF is swai?

Answer: An excuse to sound fancy.

Went to Pathmark only to find out the newest shipments haven't come in yet. So basically, I was forced to choose from a selection of last week's half-rotting crap. Or the mass of swai filets that were on sale.

Swai. Sounds exotic, no? I have exotic-sounding meals; therefore, I am a real chef. Actually, the swai filets were the cheapest fish at the seafood counter. Even cheaper than flounder. Madness.

Add that to one of my go-to recipes (a much modified recipe stolen from Women's Health), and you've got yourself one f'ing exotic-sounding meal.

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Panfried Swai Filets over Boy Choy & Mushrooms, with Coconut Curry Sauce

Makes 2 servings

Ingredients

Coconut Curry Sauce:
-1 cup coconut milk
-1 tbsp brown sugar
-Dash of cayenne pepper
-Curry powder, to taste (I use A LOT...some might prefer a dash. Even though that's boring.)
-Juice of half a lime

Swai Filets:
-2 swai filets (Or bassa. Or tilapia. Or flouder. Or whatever cheap white fish you have. I've also made this with salmon and it was AMAZING.)
-Olive oil
-Salt & pepper

Bok Choy & Mushrooms:
-1 medium bunch of bok choy, leaves and stems separated
-About 5 or 6 baby bello mushrooms, sliced (I prefer shiitake mushrooms for this, but couldn't find them. Pathmark blows.)


-Juice of half a lime
-Salt & pepper

Steps
-Fill a large pot or dutch oven (ha) with water, and bring to a boil. Separate the boy choy's leaves and stems. Cut the tough ends off the stems, and chop the rest into bite-size pieces. Once the water starts boiling, throw in the chopped stems, and boil for 5 minutes. After 5 minutes, add in the leaves, and boil for another 5 minutes. Drain, transfer back into the pot, and cover.
-Meanwhile, mix coconut milk, brown sugar, cayenne pepper, and curry powder in a bowl. Add to a small saucepan, and cook over low heat for 10 minutes, stirring constantly. The mixture will thicken into a sauce over time. Taste the mixture as it cooks, and season to taste. I always OD on the curry at this point. I gotz FLAVA.
-After 10 minutes, remove saucepan from heat. Add juice of half a lime, stir. Cover.
-Season swai filets generously with salt and pepper. In a frying pan or skillet, heat olive oil over medium heat, and add swai filets. Cook for about 2-3 minutes per side, depending on thickness. Remove from pan and cover to keep warm.

Filets, sauce, and boychoy. A bitch can MULTITASK.

-With the heat still going, add your sliced mushrooms to the pan's remaining oil, and toss to coat. Add the reserved bok choy, juice of half a lime, and salt and pepper. Stir constantly for about 3-5 minutes, or until mushrooms are tender.

-Transfer a scoop of boy choy and mushrooms to a plate, and place a swai filet on top of the vegetables. Drizzle with coconut curry sauce. Done.

How fancy. Everyone deserves a gourmet meal while watching Seinfeld reruns.

The Unemployed Chef returns!

Sorry I haven't updated this in awhile. Just came back from Seaside, NJ--From one guidoland to another, huh? I'm going to be away for the next few weekends (Pittsburgh, Arizona, Sharon, etc.), so sit tight and try not to get your chonies in a bunch. I'll be back. Try not to miss me *too* much.

Because I'm such a sweet piece of ass, I'll be gracing you this week with a bunch of recipes. You're welcome.

Spending time with the family this weekend, I was finally clued in on a secret ingredient of my grandmother's famous Pasta Fagioli (what us Americanized Italians bastardized as "Pasta Fa-zool"). Pasta & beans, if you really didn't know that (kill yourself). If this doesn't seem that exciting to you, that's because you never tasted my grandmother's pasta fagioli. Each bite tastes like a choir of angels descended onto your tongue to serenade your tastebuds. Heavenly.

So here goes...

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Nanny's Famous Pasta Fagioli




......



PSYCHE!

Seriously, do you want my grandmother to haunt you? Why the hell would I give you that recipe?

To increase the disappointment factor, I'm going to give you another SQUASH recipe! Oh when it rains, it pours! Actually, I'm not trying to be a bitch--this squash recipe was pretty dope. If you might remember from my previous squash anecdote, the BF throws a hissy fit every time I make squash...and then begrudgingly admits that he loved the meal. REAL MEN EAT SQUASH. This was supposed to be a hearty meal before his basketball tournament...and instead, he got a fancy-schmancy soup inside a martini cup. Am I a horrible girlfriend? No, he asked if I could make this as an appetizer for company. So, stop frontin'. You know the Unemployed Chef does not disappoint.

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Butternut Squash & Red Potato Soup

Makes...um...a lot of servings. Didn't really count, but we each had about 4 glasses each, with leftovers. 10?

Ingredients

-2 pounds butternut squash, mashed (I used frozen mashed winter squash. If you're using the real shit, check out my Butternut Squash Risotto post for an explanation of how to prepare your mash. I'm always an advocate for using the good stuff, but in this recipe, it really doesn't affect the taste at all. Trust.)
-2 tbsp butter
-1 medium white onion, sliced
-2 dashes garlic powder
-4 cups chicken stock (gotta rep' the Organic Free Range Chicken Broth by Pacific Natural Foods)
-3-4 baby red potatoes, peeled & halved
-A *pinch* of cayenne pepper
-A *pinch* of ground nutmeg
-A *pinch* of ground ginger
-Salt & Pepper, to taste
-1 cup heavy cream

Steps

-In a large pot or dutch oven (ha), melt butter over medium-high heat. Add sliced onion to heated butter for about 4-5 minutes, stirring to prevent burning (you don't want these to caramelize). Add garlic powder during the last minute.

-Add potatoes to the butter and onion mixture, and toss to coat. Cover the potatoes with the chicken stock, and bring to a boil. They should be soft enough to mash after 10-15 minutes of boiling. Or you could just check with a fork.

-Add the mashed squash to your pot, and begin mashing your potatoes into the squash. They don't need to be perfectly smooth, unless you really want to work that arm (diesel status).

-If you have a hand blender, good for you. I'm old school and had to transfer my soup to a blender. I was actually able to purée my entire soup in one batch, because I'm awesome. Anyway, I guess the point of this step is basically to purée your soup until smooth. Yeah. And then transfer back to your pot. Simmer over medium-low heat.

-Pinch away. Sprinkle in your "pinches" of cayenne, nutmeg, and ginger. Don't over-do it on the nutmeg. It's STRONG. Add salt and pepper, and taste. I cannot stress this enough. Soup, sauce, whatever. TASTE YOUR FOOD AS YOU COOK IT, DAMMIT. It's a lot better to know your food sucks, and attempt to fix it, before it's out on the serving table. Or you can risk serving a bowl full of ass to your guests. Some people like surprises. Your choice.

-Stir in the heavy cream, and simmer until mixed through (don't boil).

Sip up bitch!
Unfortunately, there's no alcohol in this soup, but I'm sure you could always provide a vodka chaser.