THE UNEMPLOYED CHEF: DEATH to RAGU & PREGO!

I'm not even sure I should be blogging about this, because it's such a PASSIONATE and HEATED topic for me. Italian's are hot tempered as it is, but we boil over the topic of food. While I live in Staten Island now (properly dubbed as "Staten Italy"), I didn't grow up with many other Italians, and I am the furthest thing from a "guidette." But if I hear one more person exclaim, "I made spaghetti and meatballs last night!", and then make a reference to some middle-American, disgusting jar sauce, I might cry. Like seriously, tears. It breaks my heart.

I want to reply, "You made NOTHING! You boiled water for spaghetti, and poured store-bought garbage on top of it! SHAME!" I actually get flashblacks of watching Sandra Lee "make" her Kwanzaa Cake (please check out the video to get a sense of my heartbreak).

I think the height of my rage was at my former job. A fellow coworker, let's call him D (actually, that's what we all called him), would come in for lunch with dinner leftovers. One day, he was eating leftover spaghetti, and I overheard (my cubicle was located close to the cafeteria) him rave about the Ragu 'sauce' covering the poor, forsaken pasta. I immediately dashed over to the cafeteria (it was literally a foot away), and scolded him. He gave me a simple explanation. "I'm not Italian. I don't know the difference. Tastes good to me." Suddenly, it all made sense.

I immediately went home that night and whipped up 2 containers of sauce for him, and told him to "see if he tastes a difference." Actually, I think he purposely infuriated me to get free cooking. And it totally worked. Dammit.

Maybe if people realized how easy real, authentic Italian marinara sauce is to make, they would cut the shameful jar brands out of their lives for good. Maybe if they realized you can make a week's worth at a time, they would stop ripping my heart out and stomping on it.

Here is my recipe. I honestly don't think it should even count as a recipe, because growing up in my house, it's simply common sense. But here goes...

Traditional Marinara Sauce

Makes 2 medium containers

Ingredients
16-oz tomato sauce (I used 2 8-oz cans)
28-oz crushed tomatoes (I used 1 large can)
16-oz diced tomatoes (Optional...depends if you like big tomato pieces in your sauce. If not, skip it)
Note: I used 1 medium can of Hunt's Fire Roasted Diced Tomatoes. This is my favorite brand. I've tried the Del Monte diced tomatoes (big up to Costco!) and they sucked major ass. You can actually make your own fire-roasted tomatoes by brushing small (grape, cherry, or plum) tomatoes with olive oil, salt, pepper, and garlic powder, and roasting them in the oven until they explode (yea baby). I was lazy. I went with the can.
3 cloves garlic, minced
2 medium white onions, diced
Sugar, to taste
Red pepper flakes (optional)
Olive oil
Salt & pepper
Fresh basil (optional)
Note: For a meatsauce, simmer sauce with meatballs, panchetta, Italian sausage, etc. You can also create a fish sauce, simmering the sauce with shrimp, lobster tails, crab claws, etc. This is a base recipe, and very versatile. I used turkey meatballs in my most recent batch.

My arsenal

Steps
-Fill a deep pot or dutch oven (ha) with cans of tomato sauce, crushed tomatoes, and diced tomatoes. Simmer on low heat.
-In a frying pan or skillet, heat olive oil, and begin frying diced onions over medium high heat, stirring occasionally. (You might have to fry the onions in 2 separate batches. I did.) Season with salt, pepper, and red pepper flakes, if desired.

-When the onions are almost caramelized, add the minced garlic to your pan, and cook for about 3 minutes. The garlic will cook much quicker than the onions.
-Transfer onions and garlic to the sauce pot and continue to simmer for at least an hour.
-Taste your sauce constantly! This is the most important step in making an authentic marinara sauce. If the sauce tastes too acidic, add sugar. This counterbalances the tomatoes. Too bland? Add salt & pepper. Too mild? Add more red pepper flakes.
-At this point, if you are adding any meat, fish, vegetables, or herbs (such as fresh basil or parsley), do so now. Continue simmering until the meat/fish/veggies are cooked through, and until your sauce tastes delicious.
Note: I prefer making sauce the day before, because it always tastes better after all the flavors have time to meld together in the fridge.

You'll thank me later.

The best part is, you can do so much with your leftovers. Baked ziti, chicken parm, polenta...the possibilities are endless. When I make marinara, I left to reserve a little extra to make Vodka Sauce. Penne alla Vodka is one of my favorite meals to order out, so it only makes sense to recreate it at home as often as possible.

Vodka Sauce

Makes 1 container

Ingredients
-1 container Marinara Sauce
-1/2 cup vodka

-1/2-1 cup heavy cream

-Grated cheese (Asiago, Parmigiano-Reggiano, and Pecorino Romano all work well)

Steps

-Pour sauce into a blender, and "purée" until smooth.

-Pour puréed sauce into a frying pan or skillet. Simmer on low heat (it will start bubbling and splattering almost immediately).
-Add 1/2 cup vodka to your sauce, and simmer for approximately 20 minutes. Taste your sauce. If it tastes too vodka-y, it probably needs to simmer even more. You want both your sauce and your vodka to reduce in your pan.

-Before serving, began pouring in your heavy cream, and simmer until heated through. The more heavy cream you add, the lighter and creamier your sauce will be. I added about 3/4 of a cup.