Sausagefest: Part II

Sluts rejoice. This is another sausage post.

I borrowed (just kidding, I stole) this recipe from Cooking Light magazine. Yes, Cooking Light. Not "Cooking With 10 lbs of Heavy Cream and Butter."

Don't judge me! It's delicious.

So here's the skinny--this recipe will keep you skinny. Just like the incredibly healthy Lara Flynn Boyle:


Hey Guys, does my clavicle look fat in this?
Unless you keep the Unemployed Chef tradition alive and triple the portions. This ensures you keep your FUPA (Fat Upper Pussy Area) prevelent. Like these hotties:


You know they're jealous of babygirl Ginge on the right because she's the hot one.
Of course, I had to tweak it a little. A little more garlic, little more onion. So, worse breath, but the calories are still about the same. Ewww, I said calories. Here's a little something-something to counteract that statement.


Courtesy of ThisIsWhyYoureFat.com

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Cellentani with Tomatoes, Sausage, & Fresh Pecorino-Romano

Makes 2 servings

Ingredients
-1/2 lb Cellentani (curly, tube-shaped) pasta (or penne, as Cooking Light suggests. Or any other ridged, tube-shaped pasta)
-1/2 lb sweet Italian sausage (about 2 short, choad-like links)
-2 tsp olive oil (a drizzle, swirled to coat pan)
-1 small yellow onion (or half a medium onion), chopped
-4 garlic cloves
-3-4 ripe Roma or vine-ripened tomatoes, roughly chopped (no need to peel or seed)
-Chunk of fresh Pecorino-Romano cheese (Hell yeah.)
-A handful of fresh basil leaves, chopped, plus more for garnish (Fancypants)
-Salt & pepper, to taste


Steps
-In a frying pan or skillet, heat olive oil over medium-high heat. Add sausage and cook, stirring occasionally, until no longer pink (about 5 minutes). Add onion to the pan with the sausage, and cook until sausage is browned and onions are translucent, stirring occasionally (about 5 minutes).


-Add garlic to the sausage-&-onion mixture, and cook for about 2 minutes. Add chopped tomatoes, and cook until heated through. Remove from heat.


-Meanwhile, cook pasta according to package directions. Drain, and add to pan mixture. Grate cheese (to taste) over pasta; add salt, pepper, and chopped basil, and mix to combine.


-Plate pasta, add a little extra cheese, and garnish with remaining basil leaves.

WARNING: The following post is a total Sausagefest

We interrupt this month's regular SQUASH programming to bring you another seasonal delight:

SAUSAGE!

(And let's be honest, I can handle a smattering of sausage all year round--NAHMEAN??!!)

I wish I could say this was an authentic German beer&brats Oktoberfest recipe, but that would be a lie. And would I lie to you? Well, yes, if I would, if I wouldn't get caught, but this recipe uses Italian pork sausage. I mean, it's written right there in the ingredients. And I stole the recipe right off MSN.com's homepage a month or so back, linking the recipe back to Marthastewart.com. How German.

Anywhoozer, I saw "beer" and "sausage," and figured there was no way to go wrong. (Edit: There are many ways the two can go wrong. Usually starting with beer.)

Since it pains me to use a bottle of beer (or, for 2 servings, half a bottle of beer) in a recipe where the alcohol is being cooked out, I used the cheapest shizz I could find. Yes, it calls for "pale ale," but why not...La Playa? A 6-pack is $3.99 at Trader Joes, as is the rest of their obscure canned 6-packs.

Yes, all the ink is worn off of my measuring up. How do I know how it's up to the former 1-cup line? Because I'm awesome.
Oh, and I wanted the short, fat pork sausages that look like choads, but they weren't readily available. (And seriously, if you were cursed with the unfortunate "choad," you should always be readily available. You need to take whatever you can get. Just saying.)

So, I halved my sausage to choad-ify it. Mostly I did it because I wasn't that hungry. I know, can you believe it? Me, not hungry? Well, I did eat an hour beforehand...

Another note--my first attempt at this recipe was a FAIL. Not so much of a fail that it was inedible (it actually tasted delicious, if not a tad greasy), but more of unphotographable (is that a word? I so want it to be a word) fail.

Basically, I burnt my sausage.

I mean, 8 minutes of frying followed by 7 minutes with onion? No offense, Martha, but ummm...no. My shizz burnt after 2 minutes. Not a good look.

I edited the recipe's steps accordingly. If you have an amazing dutch oven (ha) with a non-stick bottom, go ahead and fry everything up in one pan. It'll be delicious. Just go easy on the oil, since it tends to separate from a beer a bit when boiled down and reduced.

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Sausage, Beer, and Warm Potato Salad

Makes 2 servings

Ingredients
-1/2 lb--3/4 lb sweet Italian sausage (2 links)
-1 small or medium (smedium?) yellow onion, sliced into thin strips
-6 ounces, or about a cup, of beer (Again, check out the gem I used above. Tasted like Miller Lite. You can do better, my loyal readers. You can do better.)
-Baby red potatoes (about 8-10 potatoes. Should be about 1/2 lb.), scrubbed and halved
-1/2 tbsp red wine vinegar
-Olive oil (enough to coat pan, and 1/2 tbsp for potato salad)
-Fresh parsley (a small handful, chopped)
-Salt & pepper, to taste

Steps

Again, I modified the recipe for my second trial, because I didn't want to take pictures of burnt sausage. I'm sure you can find a photo of the Situation's peen after an intense tanning session somewhere on the internet. My webpage is too classy for that nonsense...

...no it's not.

TURTLENECKIN' LIKE CHAMPS!

-In a nonstick frying pan or skillet, heat a drop of olive oil (swirl it to coat the pan) over medium-high heat. Add sausage, fry until browned on all sides, and remove from pan. (Yeah, you'll have to wash an extra dish or so. DEAL WITH IT.)

-Add onions to the hot oil, and fry (stirring occasionally) until soft and translucent. Remove from heat.


With a slotted spoon, remove the onions from the pan and place in a deep dutch oven (ha). I suggest a slotted spoon so you don't transfer over all of the oil--trust me, I like me some grease, but in this recipe it separates from the beer.
-Add the sausage, potatoes, beer, 2 cups water, salt and pepper to the dutch oven (once again, ha). Bring pot to a boil, cover, and cook on medium heat for about 20 minutes (or until the potatoes are soft).


-Remove sausage from dutch oven (ha³) and set aside. Remove potatoes (here's another situation--no, not that situation--where that slotted spoon comes in handy) and place in a large bowl. Mix with 1/2 tbsp red wine vinegar, 1/2 tbsp olive oil, and chopped parsley.


Shameless, artsy zoomed potato pic self promo
-Crank up the heat to high and boil the dutch oven's remaining liquid/onions until it's reduced (Martha suggests 12 minutes, so let's go with that). Lower heat, and add sausages back to the pot for a minute or two to reheat.
-Arrange sausage and potato salad in a shallow bowl, and drizzle with liquid/onion mixture. And since all the alcohol is cooked out, make sure you have another beer with dinner. I mean, I had at least 3 while preparing this (and writing this). Tis the season.